For those who don’t know, September is Suicide Awareness Month.
Suicide is often a difficult subject for people to talk about. It can bring fear, discomfort, judgment, and opinions from people who have never experienced suicidal thoughts themselves.
If you’ve never experienced that kind of darkness, I wouldn’t expect you to fully understand it.
That’s why comments like “Life isn’t that hard. Get over it,” or “Suicide is a sin,” have always bothered me. You cannot fairly judge another person’s breaking point based on how you believe you would have handled their circumstances.
You may have experienced hardship. You may have survived something incredibly difficult. But that doesn’t mean you were standing in the exact same place mentally, emotionally, or psychologically as someone who was considering suicide.
We don’t all carry pain the same way.
Suicidal thoughts rarely come from one isolated moment. Sometimes they develop after a long accumulation of painful experiences- trauma, abuse, bullying, grief, guilt, embarrassment, failure, loneliness, mental illness, overwhelming stress, or simply feeling like life has become more than someone knows how to handle.
A person can only carry so much before they reach a breaking point.
Suicide Isn’t as Simple as “Selfish” or “Cowardly”
I’ve heard suicide described as selfish, cowardly, or an easy way out.
I don’t believe it is that simple.
When someone is experiencing suicidal thoughts, they may not be thinking about their life from the perspective of someone standing on the outside looking in. They may be desperate for relief from pain that feels unbearable.
They may want to escape their trauma.
Their anxiety.
Their depression.
Their guilt.
Their shame.
Their circumstances.
Their thoughts.
Their own mind.
That doesn’t make suicide the answer. It means we need to understand the pain that can bring someone to that point.
If we genuinely want to prevent suicide, we have to be willing to talk about why people become suicidal, not just condemn them for feeling that way.
“They Just Want Attention.”
I often hear people say, “They just want attention.”
Maybe someone is asking for attention because they desperately need somebody to notice that they aren’t okay.
If that’s the case, shouldn’t we pay attention?
Other times, the situation is much deeper. Someone may be exhausted from constantly fighting battles that nobody else can see. They may be tired of the stress, the judgment, the bullying, the abuse, the loneliness, or the feeling that every time they take one step forward, something knocks them back again.
And sometimes, they don’t even know how to explain what they need.
That’s why I don’t think the first response should be judgment.
It should be curiosity.
“What’s happening?”
“How can I support you?”
“What do you need right now?”
Sometimes simply giving someone permission to be honest can open a door they were afraid to walk through.
“But Your Family Loves You.”
Yes. Family and friends can be incredibly important.
But love alone cannot cure someone’s mental illness or erase their trauma.
People who love us can support us, encourage us, listen to us, and remind us that we’re important. But they cannot always remove the pain we’re experiencing.
Sometimes they don’t know what to say.
Sometimes they don’t know what to do.
And sometimes the person struggling doesn’t know either.
I’ve never understood the idea that someone should automatically be able to overcome something simply because another person did.
“I went through something similar, and I’m fine.”
Okay.
But you’re not them.
Two people can experience similar circumstances and walk away with completely different wounds.
Sorry folks, life doesn’t work that way.
“Just Get Help.”
Professional help can absolutely make a difference.
Therapists, psychiatrists, doctors, support groups, medications, and other forms of treatment have helped many people find their way through incredibly difficult periods of their lives.
But professional help isn’t a magic wand.
Therapy appointments are limited. Treatment can be expensive. Not everyone has insurance or can afford repeated copayments. Some people have had negative experiences with healthcare providers. Others are afraid of being diagnosed, judged, or treated differently because of a mental health condition.
Medication isn’t automatically the answer either. Finding the right medication can take time, and side effects can make the process frustrating.
And yes, there is also the issue of feeling understood.
A professional can be highly educated and genuinely care about their patients without personally knowing what it feels like to live with a particular mental illness.
That doesn’t make their education meaningless.
But there is a difference between learning about something and living through it.
I am incredibly grateful for my therapists and the support they’ve provided me. They cannot heal my pain, and I don’t expect them to.
What they can do is give me a safe place to talk, help me recognize patterns, offer coping strategies, and remind me that I don’t have to navigate everything alone.
I can tell them about the things troubling me without constantly worrying about being judged.
That matters.
Faith Isn’t a Universal Answer
Another suggestion people often give is to pray.
For some people, faith can be an incredible source of comfort. But not everyone believes in God or a higher power, and even people who do may need more than prayer during a mental health crisis.
Telling someone to “just pray about it” can unintentionally minimize what they’re experiencing.
Sometimes a person needs prayer.
Sometimes they need therapy.
Sometimes they need medication.
Sometimes they need a friend sitting beside them.
Sometimes they need all of those things.
There isn’t one solution that works for everyone.
“Get Over It.”
“Get over it.”
Those three words can be incredibly damaging.
How exactly do you “get over” something that has changed the way you think, feel, trust, or see yourself?
Trauma doesn’t always disappear because we decide we’re ready to move on. Certain people, places, sounds, memories, or situations can trigger emotions connected to something that happened years ago.
Healing isn’t always linear.
Someone can be doing well for months and suddenly have a difficult day.
That doesn’t mean they failed.
It doesn’t mean they aren’t trying.
It means they’re human.
We have to stop expecting everyone to recover on our timeline or according to our definition of what healing should look like.
Everyone Has a Different Breaking Point
Falling into a dark place doesn’t make someone weak.
I don’t believe you can truly know someone’s strength until that strength is tested.
Think about people who confidently say what they would do in a dangerous situation. If they’re suddenly placed in that exact situation, they may freeze. They may panic. They may not know how to react.
Does that make them less of a person?
Absolutely not.
So why should someone struggling with their mental health be treated differently?
We all have different limits.
We all have different histories.
We all have different support systems.
And we all process pain differently.
Even people who appear to have everything together can be fighting battles nobody knows about.
We are all human, and sometimes life becomes more overwhelming than we ever expected it to be.
Sometimes People Feel Alone While Surrounded by Others
Someone doesn’t have to physically be alone to feel lonely.
They can be surrounded by people who love them and still feel completely isolated.
They may be afraid to talk because they don’t want to hear:
“I told you so.”
“That’s just life.”
“Other people have it worse.”
“You need to be stronger.”
Those words don’t help someone who is already struggling to hold themselves together.
Their breaking point isn’t something for us to criticize.
It’s a moment when compassion matters.
There are also people who intentionally hurt others through abuse, bullying, manipulation, humiliation, neglect, or cruelty. Whether those experiences happened yesterday or years ago, they can leave lasting effects on someone’s mental health, self-esteem, emotions, and ability to trust.
You don’t always get to see the damage someone is carrying.
That’s why kindness matters.
Sometimes, Being There Is Enough
We may not be able to fix every problem someone is facing.
We may not be able to take away their trauma.
We may not have the perfect words.
But we can still be there.
Send the encouraging text.
Check on your friend.
Listen without immediately trying to solve everything.
Sit with someone who doesn’t want to be alone.
Make them laugh.
Remind them of something they have to look forward to.
Most importantly, let them know they don’t have to pretend they’re okay around you.
Sometimes, knowing someone cares can make a difference.
We may not be able to save the entire world or every life.
But we can make a difference in someone’s world.
And sometimes, that’s where change begins.
If you’re struggling, please don’t assume that asking for help means you’re weak. You don’t have to have everything figured out before you reach out.
You matter. Your life matters. And you don’t have to face your darkest moments alone.
You are loved. <3
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or a mental health crisis, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If there is immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.
