During the lowest point of my struggles with my mental health, I once described it as being trapped at the bottom of a well. An extremely deep and dark well that seemed to be in the middle of nowhere. I was so far down: no light, no rope to pull me up, and no ladder to climb because it was that deep.
That’s honestly the most realistic way I can describe it.
It seemed as though there was simply nothing I could do to get out of such a dark environment. I understood the darkness, but I couldn’t understand why it was so hard to find the light. I could never understand why I, myself, always had such a hard time getting out whenever I fell into that dark well.
Over a period of time, many triggers and setbacks have been the main causes of my depressive state of mind. Like some others, I tend to shut down completely and disconnect from everyone and everything as best as I can when life isn’t going the way I feel it should. It’s mainly me hoping I can figure it out on my own and promptly. However, that isn’t always the case, but as I’ve stated in a previous post, it is okay to ask for help- seriously, one of my biggest downfalls in life.
I personally have a difficult time asking for help or advice because I usually want the solution in full- no cliché answers or opinions about how I should be handling things or how patient I should be. Essentially, I have my goals, and I want them accomplished by yesterday! I know that I’m not the only one who feels the same way. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way for most of us with major goals.
Over the last few years, I have been exploring ChatGPT and its capabilities. I first began using the program as a test for simple answers and would check Google or other sources online for verification. I also joined groups and followed pages on social media that provided AI prompts and displayed the live prompt. I was amazed to realize I was not using Chat to its full potential, so I tested something new…
One day, I prompted Chat to create a story about a woman struggling deeply with her mental health who was able to get out of the bottom of an extremely deep, dark well with no ladder, rope, or help to get out. I must say, I was beyond intrigued after reading the short story, and from that point on, I unexpectedly received a burst of hope and motivation. The story assured me there is a way out without the items I felt I needed.
I had to claw my way out of the darkness- and I did, for a period of time.
I began to do deep research on my mental health diagnoses. I did this to help me understand myself and my state of mind during dark moments. I wanted to know why I shut down abruptly without warning, why I react to certain situations the way I do, why I experience loss of motivation and interest when it comes to doing the things I love most, why I have a difficult time holding on to friendships and relationships, etc.
I wanted to learn and understand myself for myself. I’m not sure about everyone else, but when I get into a dark phase, I think of every single little issue going wrong or not necessarily working in my favor. I don’t know why I do it- it just happens, and then all of a sudden, all of the negative thoughts start spiraling out of nowhere. I simply shut down, and it begins to take a massive toll on my everyday life duties, such as work, etc.
When I read, “…she began to claw her way out of the darkness. She faced her fears head-on, confronting the demons that haunted her mind,” I knew I needed to get it together and push forward with the things that matter most to me. I knew I had to get up and figure this thing called life out quickly. I knew I had to face my fears of failing and go for everything I desire in life.
Like Nike, I had to JUST DO IT!
I clawed my way out of the darkness by reminding myself of my talents. I reminded myself of my natural-born beauty- even if I didn’t feel it at the time. I reminded myself of my wonderful support system. I reminded myself of my bubbly spirit and one-of-a-kind personality. I reminded myself of all the other things I’ve overcome when I felt like I wouldn’t. I reminded myself of the life-changing goals I’ve been planning and working so hard to accomplish because I am determined!
Lastly, I reminded myself that I was placed on this Earth for a reason, and my purpose is to help others like myself because we are not alone and are in this together. I decided that I no longer wanted to be the woman at the bottom of the well, but the woman at the top of the well, helping others who feel trapped overcome- showing them that the light is closer than it appears.
One thing we all have to remember in life is that our darkest moments do not have to last forever. Sure, during the storm or dark moments, it seems as though we’re never going to make it out, but with time, strength, determination, hope, faith, and reminders of who we are and what we truly want out of life- the light is there.
Much Love, Hooters,
Love, CC
If you’re experiencing thoughts of suicide or feel that you may hurt yourself, you don’t have to face that moment alone.
Call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. You can also reach out to someone you trust or seek immediate help through 911 or your nearest emergency department if you’re in immediate danger.