Truth Archives - Cherry and the Hoot

As Cherry and the Hoot is a creative mental health blog with an author who experiences severe major depression and anxiety, please be mindful that there will be moments I share some of my darkest moments of life. It is my decision to share these moments to assure others they are not alone when it comes to any darkness in life. I also share because I am not ashamed of any choices I’ve ever made that some may frown upon or don’t understand. Today I have decided to share that my latest suicide attempt occurred on August 7th, 2022. Yes, just last month. Since then, I have been and am currently being treated professionally; I am also on a healing journey to recovery. Although I will not intensely go into detail about what exactly led (the “icing on the cake”) to the attempt, I will briefly share why I felt it was necessary for me at that very moment. I also share in honor of September being Suicide Prevention Awareness month.

So there is no confusion or weird assumptions that some like to make- please know I didn’t do it for attention. It wasn’t for attention because, sadly, I wasn’t supposed to fail at it. I didn’t do it because I hated myself or anyone else. I didn’t do it because of what I was going through at that moment. I didn’t do it for the satisfaction of anyone else. I didn’t do it for sympathy. I didn’t do it as a “cry for help.” I didn’t do it because I didn’t want to face my troubles. I didn’t do it to hurt any of my loved ones. I didn’t do it to “take the easy way out.” I most certainly didn’t do it because I was selfish.

I did it because I was simply tired. I was tired of everything. I was tired of my ever-lasting mental health battle. I was tired of feeling the way I was feeling physically, mentally, and emotionally. I was tired of not feeling like myself. I was tired of the hurt and all the pain I had ever endured. I was tired of all of the mixed emotions I had. I was tired of struggling with the things I could not repair, control, or understand. I was tired of the unnecessary treatment I didn’t deserve. I was tired of crying every day- at my workplace, in my car, on my way to sleep. I was tired of having no appetite. I was tired of sleeping my life away or not getting enough sleep from the endless negative thoughts scattering around in my brain. I was tired of feeling like I wasn’t living and was simply existing. I didn’t feel I could be helped, nor could I help myself. I no longer wanted to feel like a burden to anyone else in life.

I felt like it was my last option: to feel free of all my troubles finally. It was my last option to no more prolonged pain. My last option to stop the sleepless nights and oversleeping days- to prevent my depression, anxiety, and PTSD symptoms. It was my last option to refrain from losing my job for calling out multiple days in a row due to my mental health illnesses. It was my last option to no longer be lost- to find my way. Finally, it was my last option to be free and at peace forever. I felt like I was losing my battle with the one thing I had worked so hard to maintain over the years- my struggle with depression. I lost every drip of strength I had left in me. I was drained and done, and I was okay with that.

The decision was merely what I thought was best for me at that moment. As I continue to work on improving myself and my mental health, I hope for strength for anyone who feels as though they are completely drained of life. I hope you overcome your battles and weaknesses. I hope you achieve your full potential while seeing and knowing your worth. I hope you know that you are stronger than you think, and you, my friend, will make it through this darkness!

If you or someone you know are struggling with suicidal thoughts, please call the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988.

You matter—your life matters.

#YouAreNotAlone

If you know me and my social media habits you’ll know that I constantly delete my accounts either after a few months or a year. I don’t like to keep every social media platform because there are literally the same people on each account. Seriously, why do I need the same people from my Instagram on my Facebook platform? About 90% of my followers are irrelevant to my life, but I guess I keep them because they request to add or follow me.

Users have had their same accounts for years on top of years, and I can’t quite grasp how they can stay active all day every day. I was more into social media when I was in middle and high school; you know MySpace and Black Planet was “jumping” back then. As I grew older, I begin to wonder why I was staying “connected” with people I rarely spoke to or didn’t care too much for. I never really cared about what others had going on in their lives so why follow them on social media? Today, it’s still the same feeling. Most people put up a facade when I know what’s really up with them in real life, and that’s wack to me. Hey, whatever floats your boat, because you can be anything you want to be on the internet.

When I develop a feeling of being on social media too much, I delete my accounts. I delete them because I don’t want to be like everyone else who’s lost or can’t manage without it. Another reason I delete them (especially Facebook) is due to all of the sick shit posted or shared. I’ll never forget when I saw a picture of a baby being molested and it made me so sick to my stomach. I couldn’t believe it hadn’t been flagged or why someone would even repost it. I also feel social media is filled with so much negativity, incorrect information, gossip, and whatever else causing it to influence others in the worst way.

You have all of the “woke” people believing some of the dumbest stuff. You have the people who repost the same shit over and over again. You have the irritating people constantly in your inbox. You have the sensitive people who get offended by every damn thing. And then, you have the constant irrelevant ads. All of that combined together, I had no time for it and still don’t today. Not to mention the fact of me being a grown adult, and my family members or family friends would go back and complain to my mom about most of my posts. My parents were my Facebook friends, and they already know how I talk or I don’t hold my tongue. That was beyond annoying to me. Like what were they going do- put me on punishment?

I don’t have a filter on social media because it is simply MY platform. I speak of everything and I give my honest opinion- it’s always been that way. I refuse to adjust my posts for the likings of others, and that is why I constantly tell people to delete or unfollow me if they don’t like what I post. It’s just that simple. I’m a realist; I speak nothing but the raw truth as things are. I do not nor will I ever sugarcoat the obvious that people are either too blind to see or are in denial about. The truth hurts sometimes, but it’s life and we have to deal with it as it comes. Most of the time I post what people are thinking but too afraid of risking their job or how others may view them. Oh well, I’ll say it for you because I don’t care about what others think. As long as I’m not discriminating against anyone, why does it matter what I post?

Although I’ve only been back on Facebook for about two weeks, I’m ready to deactivate the account already. I made the page to stay connected with my family back home in Virginia plus, somewhat promote my blog. Facebook is boring to me, and the algorithm is excessively annoying- I’m tired of seeing people’s posts from days ago because most of the time it’s the same thing. I wanted to promote this blog but I feel like it’ll be such a waste because I want to delete the page as soon as possible. Giving my older family members a way to communicate with me and see all of my pictures was ideal, but I’m just tired of social media.

I’m too real for social media, and I’ll never apologize for anything I post because if I said or posted something, I meant it. I’ve always been true to myself, and I’ll never allow anyone to think they can take that away from me. You all should really try it sometimes instead of worrying about others. People are going to post, say, or do whatever they want because not everyone cares about validation- I for sure don’t.

Tag: Truth

A Post of Transparency: Why I Recently Tried To Commit Suicide