*Disclaimer: As the creator and owner of this blog, I stick to my word of transparency for my viewers. The following content may be triggering to some as I share the reality of my personal experience with depression and anxiety. Those are not my intentions.
If you know me personally, you know that naturally, I am a bubbly and happy-spirited individual. But imagine suffering from mental health complications and being forced to pretend to be okay when in fact, you are not. Imagine being surrounded by your loving family members and friends who all appear to be in good spirits while you are communicating back and forth with them and sharing a few outbursts of laughter here and there- everything seems perfectly normal to them. The sad part is they have absolutely no idea of the chaos going on inside of your scattered brain. They are well aware of your diagnosis but feel they have nothing to worry about due to your outer appearance. You are communicating and smiling; that means you must be doing fine, right?
This is my daily life.
I have been suffering from major depression and PTSD since my youth, and anxiety for over five years now, but those who do not know me personally have no idea unless I tell them. Most of the time my immediate family is hardly aware of when I am encountering an extreme low or any low at all for that matter. I mean, I guess they eventually figure it out when it’s almost too late, unfortunately. Things are this way because I am an expert at masking my low feelings. This method is not healthy, and I do not encourage it. Though in my circumstances, it is what it is.
One might ask why I mask the true feelings of my suffering? Well, it’s simple- I feel as though no one can help me. Not a professional, no family members, no close friends- simply no one. So if I know they can not help me, why bother to express or explain myself to them? It’s already hard enough when I do not understand my mental health. I simply do my best to cope in the most suitable way I can. Seriously, try explaining your mental health to those who have no idea. Try explaining it to those who think you can easily snap out of it. Or even to those who assume antidepressants will help when you know they do not work for you and never did. Oh, I will not forget about those who swear they have been through worse or the same thing. It makes no sense to me, but hey, that is life!
“But CC, you operate a mental health blog that encourages and inspires so many people.” I know, tell me about it.
I try my best to promote positivity even while I am down myself. I can not help but to continuously express to you all how much you are not alone. I am not a professional who has never experienced a severe mental health illness but assume they have it all figured out because of their educational background. No disrespect to any professionals because although I have been seeing them since middle school, I am still grateful for them to an extreme extent. I am an individual who has been suffering like yourself. I am an individual you can relate to well more than you will ever be able to with anyone else who has never felt like us. Just like some severely battling such illnesses, I spend more days wanting to give up on it all than you can imagine (even when I appear happy).
Yesterday was one of those days for me. Today, I woke up in the same mood- I felt the need to share. And no, I’m not suicidal and hope you aren’t either! These sudden feelings are random and untriggered the majority of the time. I hate it, and I’m sure some of you do as well. But together, we will get through this. I formed this platform for others like myself or those who know others like myself. This platform is for those suffering or feeling as if they have no one in their corner. Nobody to talk to about their crises. I formed this platform to avoid sugarcoating the realness, distress, misconception, and actuality of living with major depression, anxiety, PTSD, and whatever else. I formed this platform for people to know, I get it.
The point I’m making, all of my posts are not meant to be “happy go lucky,” so please expect reality and transparency throughout this journey. I’m not going to get on here and fib to you about being “okay” when I’m not. Today was just one of those days. If you had one of those days this week, remember tomorrow is a new day plus, you are not alone. I am hoping for the best of luck for the next week. Together, we will get through this and when we do, we will forever be the best versions of ourselves. That is all.
Much Love Hooters,
-Cherry and the Hoot