“The journey is beautiful, but the path is not always smooth or even clearly marked, and sometimes there are weird detours. So fill your tank as often as possible”.
-Healthyplace.com
Tag: Life
Being Taken For Granted
Although I’m a bubbly spirited soul, at the age of 28, I can safely admit my personal social life is minimal. Besides my grandfather and my mother, I have one actual close friend, and I’m beyond thankful for her. Getting close to individuals is not my “cup of tea” because of past experiences and avoiding unnecessary drama or stress. It is a choice I’ve been content with for years now.
Whether it be friendships or relationships, trusting is a significant concern of mine when it comes to my personal life. I have issues with those wanting my attention for the wrong motives—those who have an opposing agenda within my time—those who lie about their current relationship status or their lives. Wasting my time is something I despise, especially if I’ve chosen to trust someone initially.
I’m not big on welcoming many new people into my “circle” because I hate having to figure them out. I hate getting to know new people all over again for it to be a waste. Yes, I socialize with many, but getting to know them fully is not an option. Therefore, I have the tendency to push people away when I feel as though they’re too interested in me. I’m sure I do this to protect myself after the bs I’ve dealt with in the past.
When I’m interested in someone, I tend to become too caring. Of course, I don’t view it as being “too caring” at that moment, but that is just my personality. I tend to want the best in any and everyone I encounter on a deep and secure level. I uplift those I care about tremendously. I open up to individuals with my life. I’m willing to do just about anything for them. If I have it, they have it. I’ve always been this way, and today I wish I wasn’t.
Making someone a priority in my life isn’t unusual. I feel as though that’s what real friends are for. Opening up with my entire world but barely knowing who someone is, that’s a problem. Putting forth the effort to show I care is natural to me. Caring about each other’s feelings is expected. Considering something as simple as time is key to me. Being upfront about motives and not dragging along dead weight is something I feel needs to be addressed. Communication!
Joking about not having a heart is frequent for me, but the truth is, my heart is gigantic. The problem is, I feel as though I make myself too available for some due to my nature. I begin to care so much I become naive to their intentions. Then, what do you know—they begin to notice and take my kindness for weakness. They begin to play mind games and then try to manipulate and use me. But why when I’ve cared for and supported them so profoundly?
The thought of being used is something I consider a lot when dealing with individuals. If I suspect it, I cut all ties immediately, and the trust issues begin again. I’m okay with helping anyone with anything. What I’m not okay with is them always needing me, knowing they wouldn’t do the same for me. Or even when it’s convenient for them. The sad part, I never look for anything in return because I’m satisfied with their happiness alone. Seeing those I care about happy means the world to me. I’ve noticed being too caring can really mess with your mind.
I hate that I worry about the well-being of others. I hate that I can’t easily let go of those I have so much love for. I hate that I treat those so highly without hesitation. I hate that I’m always interested in their lives and goals. I hate that sometimes I care for and love those more than myself. I hate that I can’t say “no” when I know I should. I hate that I allow those to repeatedly hurt me even though I’m well aware of my worth. I hate that I give those so many chances when I already know what the outcome will be.
I hate that I’ve been taken for granted, but I am now at peace.
Let’s Talk About Depression
Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. The condition is more common than some may think. It is curable but not always something one can “get rid of” quickly. For some, it may last a few weeks to a couple of months, and others may last more than two years. There are also chronic depression disorders that may be brought upon by triggers. Yes, depression can surely be avoidable, but that isn’t always the case in other circumstances.
As humans, we are all unique in a very particular way. We tend to have different ways of viewing life; appearances and fashion attire, religious preferences, interests in things, taste in foods and drinks, music, etc. Something we all hold as humans are feelings. No matter what anyone says, we all have feelings. Because we are so unique, those feelings cause us to react to situations based on our moods differently. For sure, we’d love for everyone to respond to negative happenings in a lively manner, but let’s be realistic- that’s impossible.
As humans, “staying positive” about everything is expected, but how can we? How can one stay optimistic after losing a baby during birth? What about someone who lost their job with a family to provide for and no money saved? How about the children at school bullied by their peers? The spouses unhappy in their marriages but stay for their children? The couple having complications with pregnancy? Losing one of your favorite persons? Or even the homeless man who once had everything going well for himself, but he lost it all? And let’s not forget the single parents who struggle to make ends meet with no help or anyone to call on. Some of these scenarios may not trouble every person that ever encountered, but these are challenging circumstances for others. Sure, we can bypass some situations, and other times, not so much.
The causes and symptoms of depression vary within each person experiencing it. As I named a few possible hardships above that may produce the illness, I’ll now explain some of the symptoms. Some of the most significant symptoms include; anxiety, increased or lack of sleep, loss of interest, lack of motivation, lack of concentration, hopelessness, irregular appetite, restlessness, irritability, stress, suicidal thoughts, mood swings, etc. That’s to name a few- imagine having to experience those symptoms all day for days, weeks, months, or years at a time. It makes people go insane, and some don’t quite understand that! It is a constant battle, and that is what the world needs to comprehend.
Depression can be so severe it begins to affect your life in terrifying ways. People start to struggle with keeping their relationships with family, friends, and associates healthy. Those individuals are probably unaware of mental health disorders. Performance at work declines significantly, sometimes causing one to lose their position or receive a pay cut. Not only that, if you’re apart of the customer service industry, your symptoms could cause negative interactions with consumers. Bad for business, I reckon. Some can go days at a time without getting out of bed or showering. Slacking to keep up your hygiene can become shameful, but it happens. When that does happen, people begin to lose their self-esteem. There are also those individuals who turn to alcohol and drugs to have a sense of healing. They don’t want to think about their troubles, and the temporary feeling of numbness is satisfying.
Everyone’s experience with depression is not the same nor as severe as others. Being able to “manage” your mental health is a skill in my eyes. I am personally someone who’s able to function with my depression to an extent. Most of the time, I tend to hide my symptoms to avoid worrying my family and close friends. Hiding them causes bottling in all of my troubles until the top bursts off. That is not ideal, but I’m working on that. I do not recommend hiding your symptoms to the point where you want to give up. One should not hide their symptoms but seek the proper treatment. You may never know if something can help you until you try.
The feeling of not wanting your family to worry is understandable. Being aware of specific situations can cause our family members to become very judgmental. Seriously, why would one want to hear sarcastic comments when already down? If one feels as though they cannot communicate with their close family or friends, professional help is always a more suitable option. A therapist would be beneficial for all of your venting and coping needs. They will be there to help you get to the bottom of things interrupting your life. They will also introduce you to various types of coping skills. My therapist helps by knowing all of my favorite hobbies and interests and then challenging me to perform them daily. Although I’m not always able to partake in these activities due to my “down” mood, they give me a sense of temporary happiness when I do so.
While seeing a therapist, you’re more than likely to be referred to a psychiatrist (vice versa). A psychiatrist will be there to assist with additional therapy and medication needs if your depression permits. Medications can include anti-depressants, mood stabilizers, sleep aids, etc. Everyone is not fond of medicines because they prefer to “self- heal,” which isn’t always the answer. It is a form of denial to an extent and causes a delay within actual healing. Treatment to get yourself “back on track” is nothing to be ashamed of and should be taken seriously. You may even learn a few new things about yourself during the process. For sure, you’ll know more about mental health disorders and could likely help teach others.
My job is to continue spreading the seriousness of mental health disorders and how to manage them. What works for me may not work for all, but it will help someone else in need somewhere. I’m confident about that, and I appreciate all of the feedback I’ve received from family, friends, associates, and strangers worldwide. Knowing that I’m able to give someone hope makes my heart smile. I wish the best to anyone experiencing or know someone who is suffering from depression. You are not alone; you have a purpose; you will make it through to the light at the end of the tunnel.
Much love and never forget to “Live a Little” even during your most challenging moments in life.
Suicide Awareness Month
For those who don’t know, September is Suicide Awareness month. Suicide is often frowned upon, but if you’ve never experienced suicidal thoughts or even attempted- I wouldn’t expect you to comprehend. Hearing comments like, “Life isn’t that hard, get over it,” or “Suicide is a sin,” is complete bs to me. It is quite pathetic to judge or compare someone’s thoughts, attempts, or accomplished actions to your own life. You might have been in similar troubling crises, but you weren’t in the same shoes as one willing to take their own life. Suicidal thoughts don’t reveal for “no reason”- they’re brought upon by a continuation of adverse events. A human can only take but so much before they’ve reached their breaking point.
Suicide is not an act of selfishness. Nor is it an act of cowardliness. It isn’t something easy to even begin to consider when one feels it’s the last resort. People commit suicide to be free. They want to be free of their pain and suffering. They want to be free of traumatic occurrences, troubles, guilt, embarrassment, failures, judgments, etc. They want to be free of their mental illnesses and the symptoms that come with them. Wanting to have a purpose in life, and not the feeling of existence is what many individuals wish. Some people may already know their purpose, but everyone can not relate. And no, I do not encourage anyone- I want others to be aware of some of the reasons behind suicide and why people turn to it as a final solution to all of their problems of life. It is not a sin or an “easy way out”; it is a “getaway” for most. It is an absolute sense of happiness and peace for some.
I often hear people saying things like, “They just want attention.” That assumption could be accurate, but other times it isn’t so valid. Other times it’s much more in-depth, so deep that person couldn’t take it anymore. One is simply exhausted with life and everything that comes with it. Some are tired of the suffering, pain, the excessive abundance of stress, the never-ending barriers, the constant judgments, the severe bullying they might be enduring, and much more. Why should one have to continue suffering from their distress if it’s physically destroying them on the inside? An answer I hear most, “To be there for your family and friends because they love you, and that would hurt them.”
Yes, most family and friends do cherish having their loved ones in their presence. The problem they fail to realize- they are not always able to help. They can not permanently heal one’s fears, troubles, or pain the way they wish. Most like to believe they can, but they can’t. Sometimes when asking how to help, troubled individuals can’t even tell you how to do so because they are unaware. Many people anticipate one to ”forget” whatever has positioned that individual in a dark standpoint of life. They want one to forgive, forget, and move on. People expect one to be able to handle and tolerate tough dilemmas as they once did. They assume that just because they overcame their challenging obstacles, everyone else should do the same. Sorry folks, life doesn’t work that way!
Seeking medical treatment is always the initial suggestion some assume will resolve a troubled one’s crisis. Of course, one could have appointments with a therapist or psychiatrist, but they can’t repair everything. Meetings are timed, and most of them don’t allow enough time to discuss all of one’s concerns or enough time to receive the desired amount of advice. Not to mention, many individuals do not feel those healthcare providers genuinely care about their problems- they care more about their paychecks. Some therapists and psychiatrists have also never experienced depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc., so they could honestly never genuinely relate to their patients. I won’t argue the accomplishments of their credentials, but there’s a massive difference between a book and experiencing a mental health illness firsthand.
Another thing, not everyone has the funds to pursue consistent “help”- whether it’s them not having health insurance or the constant co-payments. Plus, medication isn’t always the answer because they could make one worse with the awful side effects. Then, you have those afraid to seek help due to their reputation or what others might think of them. They don’t want to be diagnosed with a mental health disorder because they’re in denial or don’t want to rely on prescriptions. Trust me, it isn’t that terrible, and there isn’t anything to be ashamed of- get some additional life assistance to possibly at least get you on the right track with your life. Of course, it is not the answer for everyone, but one would never know until they attempt.
I’m beyond grateful for my therapists and their assistance, but they can not heal my pain, and I don’t expect them to. I confide in them for their support, their coping solutions (which rarely ever works), and I feel they genuinely care about my health and well-being. They are always there when I need them, and I can honestly tell them just about everything troubling me without the worries of them judging me. I trust them and their services and happy to be supported by such beautiful souls. Putting faith in a god is another suggestion some give. Unfortunately, not everyone believes in a higher power. Nor do they have time to sit and pray and wait for a miracle to happen. That’s what a lot of people on the outside looking in expect. Again, life doesn’t work that way. Prayer could temporarily ease some stress, but that isn’t going to last forever, especially for someone dying inside.
“Get over it,” they say. Telling someone to “get over” things incredibly damaging is one of the worst things someone could say. That goes back to the- you can’t expect everyone to be able to handle challenging situations as you once did. Honestly, there is no such thing as getting over something that has affected one’s mental health tremendously. There will always be people, places, things, sounds, etc., that trigger those sensitivities or traumatizing events, and no matter how hard one tries to cope or forget- that isn’t always effective. It is a constant everyday battle for those individuals, and to be criticized when they’re trying is disastrous.
Falling into a dark place in life doesn’t make one “weak” or any less of an individual as some think. In my opinion, one’s strength can not indeed be determined until it is entirely “tested.” One example: some people always speak on what they would do in a dangerous situation, but if caught off-guard in that very scenario- they’d freeze up. They wouldn’t know what to do or how to react. Does that make them any less of a person? Absolutely not. So someone battling certain circumstances shouldn’t be any different. Yes, of course, life can be difficult, but not for everyone. Everyone isn’t always blessed with the finer things, but even those individuals fight within their mental health. We are all merely human, and it is okay if life gets a little more overwhelming than we intend on.
Life should never get to the point where someone wants to take their own, but it happens. Some people feel a sense of loneliness. They may not physically be alone, but develop a feeling of not communicating about their troubles. Fearing the sounds of judgment, the unnecessary, “I told you so,” or “It’s life.” All sayings one doesn’t need when they’re experiencing their breaking point or lowest in life. Their breaking point isn’t for others to criticize- it is for those to simply understand, motivate, and encourage- if they genuinely care. We also have ruthless and evil humans in this world who intentionally degrade, abuse, joke, disown, torture, use, etc., others. It doesn’t matter if it happened today, yesterday, days, weeks, months, or years ago- all of it takes a toll on one’s mental health, emotions, self-esteem, and trust. Everyone is unique in their own way, so these acts will be handled differently, and that is what the world needs to realize.
Life is for sure what you make it, but at times there are things just out of one’s control. We all take different approaches, and some are often more effective than others. You can not shame a human for the things they cannot handle physically, mentally, spiritually, or emotionally. You can only hope for the best outcome and hope they can find their way back to acceptable normality. Sending words of encouragement could go a long way when someone is down. Spreading positive vibes, moments, or memories could help brighten up someone’s day and possibly bring lots of laughter. It’s the security of allowing one to know you are there for them, and they are not alone- that is what matters the most. We may not be able to save the world or every life, but sometimes we can make a difference in someone’s life. Help one realize them and their life matters and they will eventually be able to conquer their fears and troubles.
**If you or someone you know are ever experiencing a life crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255
You are loved <3.
Dealing With Mental Health Illnesses While Working
Handling your mental state while working can be quite the task. A battle is what it is for some of us. You can either permit it to regulate you or do your best to function through it. Most of the time, I work through it. Working through it makes you more vigorous than the day before- at least that’s what I tell myself.
Since I work in the customer service industry, I try my best to keep my mental illnesses far away from my workplace. For starters, I have bills to pay, so I can’t risk losing my job; plus, I learned at a young age to not allow personal or mental matters to influence your work performance. Unfortunately, for me, about a year or so ago, my job was the cause of the resurfacing of my mental health issues. Although I was encountering issues within my employer (mainly my boss)- I did not let it affect the way I treated my shoppers. However, it did eventually have an impact on my work performance. I stopped caring about the quotas I was required to meet along with everything else, but I still showed exceptional customer service because that is just the type of individual I am. My natural bubbly spirits help me construct incredible rapport with strangers, and that alone is a beautiful experience.
Being that I’m an outstanding customer service guru, I don’t feel as though guests or customers deserve rudeness due to personal or work-related matters when it comes to one’s mental health. There has been plenty of times where I’ve experienced or witnessed employees being flat out disrespectful or rude to customers. A lot of times, it may appear those associates are dealing with personal matters or are already irritated by previous customers. In reality, some of them could be dealing with something much deeper than that. Either way, you look at it, in my opinion, it is terrible for business. I’ve noticed a lot of people settle for horrible service, and I just can not relate, nor will I ever tolerate it. I’m not sure if it is solely what they are used to, or maybe they don’t want to be “confrontational,” but whatever it is, people need to learn that is far from acceptable, and they deserve better service when spending their hard-earned money. Regardless if you visit a McDonald’s, Dollar Tree, Walmart, Tesla dealership, or Louis Vuitton store- outstanding customer service should be expected and a given.
I speak on this because I’m always receiving great Google reviews on my services. I will be honest and say, it touches me more when my guests or customers tell me face-to-face. These past two weeks, I have received the most heartwarming feedback from a few of them. They have made me feel good about doing my job even when I felt like I wasn’t giving it my very best. What they don’t know is the depressive state I’ve been in this past month. To them, I’m this happy-go-lucky sales associate who loves her job. Sadly, I have been sick to my stomach most days, taking moments in the back room at work to cry, crying during my commutes in silence, crying myself to sleep most nights, ignoring phone calls and texts, etc. They couldn’t tell because I put them first, and that is how I feel everyone should be when it comes to their work, especially when in the customer service industry. I’m an expert when it comes to hiding my emotions in specific settings. I cope with my troubles alone because my strength won’t allow me to show these emotions in front of my customers or coworkers. I have a task to accomplish each day, so motivating myself to stay in a festive mood for my customers’ outstanding in-store experience is vital.
This past weekend, I had the pleasure of meeting an older couple, and their feedback was so touching it brought tears to my eyes. Of course, there’s more to the conversation that wasn’t work-related, but I’ll discuss that in a future post. Those customers gave me a sense of hope when it comes to my job and life. Maybe I’m not doing as bad as I seem to think I am. Perhaps I have been a little too hard on self when it comes to work or my current life. I know for sure it was proof I know how to set my troubles aside to take care of so many unique people each day. One should never allow their mental health to affect their work ethics, and should always aim to give it their all. Yes, it may be challenging to deal with, but faking it until you make it helps as well. Take it one breath or day at a time, and it will get easier to manage and cope with. When guests enter an establishment, they should always be greeted with a warm welcome, positive energy, and a big smile. We have to remember, they are not the cause for our problems, and they have no idea what we’re going through (vice versus). That one store visit could make a significant difference beginning with your greetings.
Even on the days I don’t feel like getting out of bed, I still manage to keep a smile on my face. Luckily for me, I take my mental health exceptionally seriously because my depression is chronic and randomly occurs when I’m least expecting it or if something triggers it. Sometimes I have no idea why I’m depressed, but it just takes over, and when it does, I’ll either fight it in peace, or I’ll take a break from work. I’m able to “take a break” from work under the protection of the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), and I highly encourage others dealing with mental health illnesses to look into it for themselves. I am allotted a few days per month to take care of my mind as needed. My work schedule is also reduced every day should I need to leave work early due to my mental health. This accommodation was processed via my health care provider to protect my position and to protect from discrimination (as I’ve experienced in the past). Although it is rare for me to leave early due to my mental health, I’m very thankful for the protection because I’ve been documented for leaving work due to an anxiety attack before. It sucks, but hey, I’m legally covered by law now, and I will never feel bad for putting my mental health before my employer.
If you are interested in these accommodations, I suggest you reach out to your health care provider and your Human Resources department. Some of you don’t need to suffer any longer and could use the break because it truly affects your work ethics and could cost you a lot of missed money. Best of luck to you all!
Finding Time for Fitness While Working
Although my health and fitness journey started on the “right” track, I have to admit how badly I’ve begun to slack since returning to work. My routine was going so great, but then I lost my “mojo.”
I returned to work at the beginning of June and was confident keeping things in order would be a success. Sadly, that wasn’t the case because since it had been almost three months of leave, I forgot how draining employment was. Don’t get me wrong, my job is somewhat smooth and I’m grateful even to be employed during the circumstances. The issue is, most of my shifts consist of ten plus hours, plus I commute a little less than 200 miles (about an hour and a half to and from work) each day. That alone is beyond bizarre, but hey, it’s what I signed up for!
I guess you can say I became spoiled with my break.
My sleep pattern was ultimately off, and I was able to work out whenever I felt like it- most mornings just not exceptionally early. Of course, I now had to re-figure life out, and that only took dedication (as I’ve spoken of previously). For some reason, the commitment was absent. Luckily for me, I will always be the one to “practice what I preach.” Having a lifestyle category on my blog, expressing how easy it is to lose weight or get fit with just dedication and consistency- I can’t BS my audience, and I won’t!
Eventually (about a week later), once I was back into the “groove of things,” I pushed myself to get up early enough to visit my local park. At my local park, I’ve been able to walk at least one to two miles before work. I haven’t been able to ride my cruiser since, but walking is all I need to keep my weight loss journey going. Each day I do walk, I try to beat my previous recorded time. Sometimes I walk a little faster, sometimes a bit slower, but that doesn’t matter because I made it there in the first place!
The moral of the story: KEEP PUSHING, even if it is draining, KEEP PUSHING! Stay true to yourself, find the time for yourself and make it happen, be consistent, and DO NOT GIVE UP!
Live a Little
As we rise each morning, we never imagine it could be our last day on Earth. We also never think of how drastic one choice of any moment could change our lives- whether it’s temporary or perpetual. Within a split second, everything could change, and we often seem to take it all for granted. We make decisions without thoroughly considering the possible consequences. We live off of hopes and assumptions with the thoughts of things turning out flawlessly. But we have to understand that isn’t how life functions. No matter how much we plan something out, it isn’t always going to succeed as such. That isn’t to say; it’ll still fail either. Life works in mysterious ways- sometimes seemingly magical. No matter the obstacles we may undergo, never give up, and continue to push further than before.
A lot of us are utterly gullible about life and see no wrongdoing happening- well, that is until it happens to us. We have to be wiser and not jump for just anything. Living life for today and not the future is vital. There is no guarantee tomorrow will come for us, and by the time we realize that it’ll already be too late. We have to live for ourselves, and not what anyone else prefers for us because each individual has the right to make their own decisions. Caring less about what others may speculate of us is also crucial. Being ourselves is the best thing that could ever happen to us. Seeking validation from others is not favorable and pathetic. Acceptance is simple to come by, so why do we change or operate a specific way to fulfill others?
Worrying about what others are accomplishing and what they have has to end. We all can do anything we put our minds to, of course! If we want it, we have to work hard, stay motivated, dedicated, and consistent. Give the proper affirmations to those succeeding their life goals. When it’s our time to shine, all of the hard work will eventually pay off. Speaking of hard work- we have to be sure to take time for ourselves. If we don’t own the company, don’t let our lives revolve around it. We have to upkeep our health, mental, and emotions as much as possible. We can not allow work to drain us, so yes, take those breaks and vacations, because we deserve it! Some of us tend to lose ourselves within employment, and that is for sure unhealthy. Do not lose yourself!
Make a change today, and start living for yourself! If you want to let your hair down, do it. If you’ve dreamed of dancing on a bar top, go Coyote Ugly crazy, but please don’t fall. If you have a crush you’re too afraid to approach, “slide in the DM.” If you want to have sex in a car or some other unusual setting- have fun! Are you thinking of eating that last slice of pizza? Who the fuck cares? If you’re a daredevil hoping to skydive, go for it. You’ve been dying to take that road trip, safe travels, and make plenty of memories! If you need to burp or fart in the presence of your crush, you better do it because it’s life (no shame in my game). If you want to go commando, let it breathe because it’s a fantastic feeling! If you desire dancing on a pole for extra coins, “make that money baby, don’t let it make you.” You desperately want that one expensive item, and you know you can afford it, get it because you’ll always make that money again. You want to go back to school, but you feel too old, go get your degree because there’s no such thing as “being too old for school!”
The point of the post is to be free, clear-minded, and happy- all while “Living a Little!” It is okay to be free. Do whatever you want, live in the moment, be safe, be yourself, and have fun because this is YOUR life, and remember the future isn’t guaranteed. Save being miserable later, because you wished you would have done everything when you had the chance. It isn’t too late, go out and LIVE YOUR LIFE!
Until next time Hooters and always remember to “Live a Little”.