Tag: Relationships

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What is Meant For You Will Be For You: Relationships & Careers

Cherry and the Hoot

Sometimes in our lives, we tend to force or try to accept the things that are not nor were they ever meant for us. For example, we try to force or settle for unhappy or toxic relationships, friendships, and situationships with those who don’t deserve our energy, time, or presence. We force jobs or careers we once were excited about because of the exclusive title, great pay, inclusive benefits, or maybe even the relaxed working schedule. Perhaps some don’t have the grand title, salary, or benefits and would like them; instead, they have to settle for something else for now. Some of us settle for or force many other aspects of life when we shouldn’t. We do these things, but in reality, we are beyond unhappy with these situations and even ourselves in some cases. 

Previously, I had found myself dwelling negatively on the current status of my life; relationship status, job, living environment, mental health experiences, lack of motivation within my talents and goals, and everything else. But, if I’m being truthful, I believe it had much to do with my age and feeling too old to accomplish certain things- like birthing children because I’ve always been indecisive or even considering returning to school. I know, it sounds ridiculous because I’m only 30 years old, which is young to most, but it’s old to me- for whatever reason! So, recently, I had to stop for a minute, take a deep breath, and intensely reflect on my life and its present state. I had to reconsider all of the good I’m grateful for now versus the things I have yet to achieve. I had to understand and accept that some things weren’t ready to happen for me at the moment. 

Realizing that it isn’t my time yet in some areas of life is something I’m learning to come to grips with. Sure, it’s hard to accept, but at the same time- it is what it is. Or at least, that is what I try to tell myself to keep my mind off of it. All I can do is continue to aim for success and hope for the best outcome. Everything we think we want or desire is not always meant for us, nor should we force it. The one person we felt we loved for numerous years isn’t always meant for us. However, it is acceptable to love them from a distance. Likewise, the career we once received a degree, diploma, or certificate for is probably not meant for us. Therefore, seeking something else within our current interests would be ideal. It is simply that simple, and that is okay. Change is sometimes inevitable, and until we understand that entirely, we will feel like we’ve failed ourselves. Still, we shouldn’t because we haven’t failed- it just isn’t meant to be yet.

If you’ve recently experienced a bad break-up, heal yourself fully before bringing someone else into your hurt. Love yourself to the fullest and understand your needs and their totality. Know your worth and never allow someone to try to convince you otherwise because you, my friend, are worthy. Your dream significant other you deserve will find you when the timing is right. If that current job with an excellent title, great pay, and benefits isn’t for you, then find something else that better fits your life or personality and leave. Maybe some of us don’t have the grand title, salary, or benefits- be patient, and the desired position you deserve will become available when you’re least expected. No one should ever feel miserable at the workplace, especially when work tends to be a second home to most of us. 

The moral of the story is to refrain from settling or forcing things that don’t suit your current life chapter. Instead, be the best you at all times. Stay positive enough to push yourself towards your goals daily. Don’t settle for or force the things that aren’t meant for you right now. But more importantly, always remember your worth and live a little while doing so!

-Much Love Hooters,

Cherry and the Hoot

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Focus on Your True Happiness

Cherry and the Hoot

Happiness is the state of being happy, and it can be associated with joy or satisfaction during the present moment or overall life circumstances. One’s happiness can come from another individual, a particular place, material things, foods, achievements, and everything else that makes people happy. But, while some may appear satisfied, are they or are they settling for what they think is happiness?

Lately, I have had a few individuals express that they aren’t happy with certain things; they have been experiencing family or relationship complications, hate their job, aren’t satisfied with their appearance, or their financial situation isn’t ideal. In addition, they feel their accomplishments of life are slacking or something else keeping them from enjoying themselves, such as lack of physical energy or even ambition. Yet, no matter what they may be going through, I still try my best to encourage and motivate them to be the best they can be. Regardless of what anyone believes, life is life, and as long as one is breathing, you have the remainder of your life to accomplish the things you want most out of it. Sure, it can seem like it is taking forever to find happiness again, but it is there- one must seek it.

Honestly, I believe true happiness lies within oneself, starting with self-love. How are you treating yourself and your well-being? How often are you celebrating your current accomplishments to remind yourself you can achieve the things you put your mind to? Have you ever taken a moment to sit down and brainstorm about what truly makes you happy? What about questioning your current state of happiness? Seriously, are you genuinely satisfied with your life? Self-love is key because how can you expect others or materialistic things to bring you something you can’t feel within yourself? Start with yourself, and everything else will come with ease. Learn to stop doubting and being hard on yourself because if you do not believe in yourself, who will?

Relationships with others can seem like a roller coaster at times. Each relationship, friendship, or “situationship” has its ups and downs, but never entertain one that offers more downs than ups. Let it go if it affects your overall mental health or happiness! That goes for family members, childhood friends, close friends, significant long-term others, etc. Life is too short to allow others to affect our happiness. If those close to us can not respect our boundaries, what we want out of life, or our time, they don’t deserve a space in our lives. Do not allow others to drain you of your peace and happiness. Do not allow others to make you feel wrong about what you enjoy doing or find interest in. Do not allow others to make you feel a certain way about things because they are unhappy with themselves. Be happy being who you are, do what you love, live a little while doing so, and be safe. Often people get caught up in these relations and begin to lose themselves because they’re constantly trying to please others. They forget the things that once made them happy, and they grow to settle. Do not settle or lose yourself for the satisfaction of others. We must learn to surround ourselves around those with good intentions who motivate, support, and uplift us. Healthier relationships lead to increased happiness in our lives, so refresh your associates if need be.

If you’re unhappy with your place of employment or need a career change, start thinking about what you want to do. Consider your top skills and talents in the process and research opportunities based on those qualifications. It would be ideal to weigh out the pros and cons of your options to be sure you are making a practical decision overall. Maybe you’re tired of working for others- write out a business plan and focus on starting a small business. Research other successful businesses, such as the one you’d prefer to build, and see what makes that business so unique. Think of ways to make yours more different and unique from the others. Anything is possible, but I suggest keeping your 9-5 until you have fully executed your plan and are off to a great start. You love your employer, but not your position or salary, and you don’t want to quit or start your own business. Consult with your supervisor and see what you can do to get promoted. Maybe you need a few more qualifications, have them point you in the right direction towards a step closer to the top of the company chain.

Being tough on ourselves about our appearance can be a challenge. If you’ve been down about your weight, stop stressing and lose those pounds! Self-motivation is critical because only you can work out for yourself. Create a daily schedule and incorporate a time slot that works best for you to work out. I find early mornings my preferred and most effective time to walk each day. Maybe you aren’t a morning person and prefer to exercise during the afternoon or night- whatever floats your boat, make it happen! Get into a steady routine, and you’ll be losing those pounds in no time. While working out can help us significantly, don’t forget to pay attention to your food intake because what you put into your body matters and affects your overall appearance. Cut back on the unhealthy and greasy foods, midnight snacks, and alcohol (for the drinkers), and watch those inches and pounds shed from your body. Of course, consistency is ideal and vital during this process.

For those experiencing unhappiness due to financial mishaps, I’m not suggesting getting a second job as most people do. More power to those who choose to work multiple jobs- I have done it twice before, and it is beyond exhausting. Yes, you have an additional source of income, but you’re literally working your life away. However, I will suggest better spending habits, saving whatever you can save, seeking a better and higher paying job opportunity, researching and investing in stocks or property, or researching the various sources for additional income. Create a source of income you can generate in your sleep- think smarter, not harder! Sure, it is easier said than done, but it is possible. You could even start a blog and create another source of income. And let’s not forget about starting a business, as I mentioned earlier, that you could start!

This post aims to encourage those currently experiencing a sense of unhappiness in their lives to go out and find happiness. Clearly, I can’t touch base on everything that may cause one to be unhappy, but I know I was able to touch on the main reasons. The principle is to start within one’s self. Learn to stop overworking by listening to your body when it needs a break and rest yourself. Learn to stay away from toxic individuals who do not benefit your life in any shape or form. Learn to seek better professional employment opportunities where your work ethics matter and are appreciated. Learn to stop being hard on yourself when you’re trying your best and already have so much to show. Big or small- overpraise your current accomplishments of life. Those are achievements you worked hard to complete- celebrate them every chance you get! More importantly, learn to put your happiness first. Put yourself first. Love yourself first. Improve your joy and keep it that way, all while living a little!

Much Love Hooters,

-Cherry and the Hoot

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Managing Relationships During Mental “Shut Down” Phases

Cherry and the Hoot

Balancing our mental health can be tricky at times, but how are we managing our relationships and friendships in the midst? Some can communicate just fine, while others have difficulty expressing themselves. Sometimes it could have a lot to do with not wanting to worry or burden our loved ones. That makes sense to me; however, there are times when we need to open up and communicate because a simple conversation may allow someone to be of great help in the long run. 

Personally, I am incredibly guilty of causing my mental health to affect my relationships with others. It typically happens when I slip into a deep depression or right before I’m heading into the unfortunate saddening phase. A phase I will refer to as my “shut-down” period. During these moments, I will briefly disconnect from everyone and everything—disconnect meaning, no social media, no answering calls or texts messages, and no outings (including a lot of calling out of work). Of course, there is absolutely nothing wrong with disconnecting from the social world. Still, I tend to do it without the proper warnings. I simply deactivate or delete my social media apps and then turn on the Do Not Disturb feature on all of my electronic devices. In my mind, I see nothing wrong with not wanting to be bothered by others, but I can also understand how it may give someone else a false impression. Maybe they feel I’m ignoring them because I want nothing to do with them? Or could they think they did something wrong when they didn’t? These are the typical things people assume when their calls are constantly directed straight to voicemail. 

Who knows? 

Over the years, I have lost plenty of so-called friends due to this poor practice. I have also caused many of my loved ones to worry excessively by not warning them— especially my Grandfather. Oops, my bad! In all honesty, I get it, but at the same time, I feel people should be more respectful of my desire for peace. Sometimes I just want to experience a long-lasting peace and not be bothered by anyone. Although I am an outgoing individual, I have had people lose interest in me due to declining multiple offers to hang out. And not as in me declining due to some unforeseen occurrences, but declining simply due to my mental health and not knowing when I would be able to come out again. It is always as if they can not comprehend the severity of my mental health and assume I am making excuses not to hang out. Seriously, here I am, lying down bundled in my blanket. Thinking of everything possibly going wrong in my life, trying to figure out how to get myself out of this hell of darkness. Wishing I could peacefully end all of the horrible symptoms of my anxiety and depression forever. While contemplating, is it all even serious enough for me to want to end my own life, and you think I’m making excuses? Yes, my depression is that deep at times, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. 

It seems bizarre, right? I know! Honestly, it probably seems more bizarre to those who simply can not relate. But, unfortunately, this is life for quite a few individuals. 

When I shut down, I automatically assume one can not help me get through what I am experiencing; no amount of love or advice can help me. Therefore, I disconnect all forms of communication. I just feel I have to work on and figure things out independently. So that is what I do; I stay to myself until I have found a new way to approach whatever I’m going through. Now don’t get me wrong- other individuals may be the complete opposite. Some people need others for that push of encouragement or motivation- whatever floats their boat. I suppose being more open with our loved ones about whatever is truly disturbing our peace could tremendously help some of us. It allows them to have an insight into what we’re genuinely experiencing. It also allows them to ask questions to educate themselves possibly. Some of our loved ones are honestly unaware of the severity of our illnesses and dark phases. Therefore, it is up to us to help them understand our symptoms more effectively. 

Long story short, before completely ghosting those who truly matter to us, I recommend giving them a brief heads up. I’ll try to work on that myself. You could start by letting them know you’re taking time for yourself and your mental health. Then, if you desire others to uplift you, teach them how to help you during these periods. Maybe you want someone to check on you every few hours or perhaps even daily- let them know that. You could also possibly ask them to help you find resources that will allow you to get back on track towards a healthier lifestyle. Or maybe you want them to be there to listen to you vent. Whatever it may be, open your mouth and speak up about it because you never know if it will also help them open up to you about things they felt they were alone in. You could help each other!

No one wants to feel like they’re being ignored or unwanted when they did nothing to deserve such a feeling. At the same time, people should also be willing to respect our alone periods if that is what one desires. Once you have already expressed your needs, if someone can not understand or appreciate your decisions- well, that is now their problem and not yours. You have to take mental health breaks from time to time regardless of what others expect from you. Just try your best not to get so deep into the phase to the point where you want to give up. Instead, use that time to fully evaluate your life, goals, next steps towards happiness, and mental health. Be sure to solely focus on healing yourself during these times. Yes, I know it’s easier said than done, but you can do it, and you should! The sooner we’re able to take the proper steps to get out of these dark phases, the sooner we’ll be on a brighter, healthier, and more successful pathway in our lives. Please know, if you ever feel as though no one else is- I am always rooting for you!

Much Love Hooters,

-Cherry and the Hoot  

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You Can’t Help Those Who Don’t Want To Be Helped

Cherry and the Hoot

A concise and straightforward message because someone somewhere needs to read this:

Please stop trying to help those who don’t want to help themselves.

Just stop. 

You have repeatedly attempted plenty of times to be of great support. You have given some of the most helpful advice you could provide. You have drained yourself of all available resources to assist. You have pled with whomever to change themselves for the better. Over and over again. You now have to realize that you can no longer worry yourself but hope for the most pleasing outcome. They have shown you more than enough, so you must let them be. 

When someone truly needs help, whether it’s getting out of a destructive relationship, quitting drug addictions, failing to treat past trauma matters- they will seek the proper help. But, unfortunately, sometimes it takes a “wake-up call” for them to finally get it. Hopefully, by then, it won’t be too late. 

If you want to be there for them, listen when they need to vent, never judge their decisions or talk down on them, pray for them if you’re spiritual or religious, but try not to stress yourself. You can not permit your mental health to deteriorate due to the excessive worries of others who refuse to help themselves. Love them, but from a distance because you have done all you can; free yourself! 

Much Love Hooters,

-Cherry and the Hoot