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You Can’t Help Those Who Don’t Want To Be Helped

A concise and straightforward message because someone somewhere needs to read this:

Please stop trying to help those who don’t want to help themselves.

Just stop. 

You have repeatedly attempted plenty of times to be of great support. You have given some of the most helpful advice you could provide. You have drained yourself of all available resources to assist. You have pled with whomever to change themselves for the better. Over and over again. You now have to realize that you can no longer worry yourself but hope for the most pleasing outcome. They have shown you more than enough, so you must let them be. 

When someone truly needs help, whether it’s getting out of a destructive relationship, quitting drug addictions, failing to treat past trauma matters- they will seek the proper help. But, unfortunately, sometimes it takes a “wake-up call” for them to finally get it. Hopefully, by then, it won’t be too late. 

If you want to be there for them, listen when they need to vent, never judge their decisions or talk down on them, pray for them if you’re spiritual or religious, but try not to stress yourself. You can not permit your mental health to deteriorate due to the excessive worries of others who refuse to help themselves. Love them, but from a distance because you have done all you can; free yourself! 

Much Love Hooters,

-Cherry and the Hoot

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Positive Coping Skills

How do you cope when trying to recover from mental health challenges? Are you partying it up with loved ones? Are you moping around looking like you’ve lost your best friend? Do you try to reach out to someone for guidance? Are you coping positively or negatively? Below I have listed a few positive coping skills. Stay tuned for the negative coping skills (I prefer to not overwhelm you all)!

green leafed trees

Explore the Outdoors

A breath of fresh air will always be a great way to cope with mental health challenges. There are countless activities or even simple things to get into cheerful spirits. You can begin slightly by taking a stroll through your neighborhood- invite a friend if you don’t want to be alone. A nature trail in a nearby park could help. Some of you may have a bicycle, go for a ride, and work out those legs! 

For me, hiking or walking a nature trail is a great time to reflect on life and its challenging obstacles. I’ve always been a lover of nature (minus the annoying bugs) so that’s how hiking became one of my favorite coping tools. Some trails may seem difficult, but once you make it to the final destination with the breathtaking views, it’ll all be worth it. Try it! 

blue and red superman print tank top shirt

Workout Your Stress

In the past, I’ve found the gym to be a wonderful place to relieve some stress. Of course, it can take a while to finally make the decision to get up and go…ehh. But once you’re there and working out it can temporarily reduce stress from your mind and body. Not only that but staying in shape helps with a clear mindset as well.

Okay, maybe you don’t want to give your local gym a visit. Exercise in the comfort of your home or a local park. It really doesn’t matter where you choose to work out, start somewhere, make it a habit, get in shape, keep a clear mindset, and thank me later! Do some kind of exercise for at least 15-30 minutes about five times a week and you’ll be better in no time.

balance blur boulder close up

Meditation and Yoga

Although I’m personally not a fan of yoga, it works well for others. I’ve tried it a few times and it just isn’t for me. However, I encourage others to give it an attempt because it seems to be a great source of meditation. I usually meditate by lighting a candle and putting a warmed lavender-scented eye mask over my eyes for about 15-30 minutes. You should try it, but don’t doze off and forget about your lit candle!

Another method to meditate would be practicing different deep breathing techniques- find a peaceful and calm place, focus on your breathing, and relax your mind and body. There are various breathing exercises to try, but I won’t elaborate too much. Google is your friend! Work on your breathing and you’ll be able to focus and cope more effectively.

jigsaw puzzle pieces

Solve a Puzzle

The good news about puzzles is the fact that there are billions to choose from! There’s also a massive variety of genres making it possible for everyone to find one within their interest. Those varieties may include picture puzzles, word and number puzzles, coloring puzzles, mind puzzles, math puzzles, etc. I find picture puzzles to be a wonderful distraction when I’m trying to manage. Keeping busy is critical. Go out and buy yourself a new puzzle, my friend!

assorted color artwork equipment set

Get Crafty

Crafting is life. The possibilities of projects never end so literally anyone can discover something within their capabilities. Why craft? In my opinion, it is soothing, and when I’m in my “crafting zone” it temporarily takes my mind off of my stressors. I’ve been crafting for years and have found it to aid with reducing my anxiety and depression when it isn’t too late. It’s also given me a great way to express myself and it makes me beyond happy with the finished creation so I’m forever interested in crafting. 

Painting a canvas, redecorating a room in your home, sewing a favorite article of clothing that may have ripped, cutting and sanding a piece of wood into something cool, coloring a page from a coloring book, repairing anything that may have broken around your home, altering something on your car, etc., are all forms of crafting. Go craft something now and share it with me because I’d love to see it!

ball point pen on opened notebook

Write It Out

Most people going through mental health challenges tend to feel alone or as if they can’t communicate with anyone in regards to their troubles. I’ve been journaling since middle school and have found it to be the most effective way to cope. It’s like relief getting it off of your chest without directly talking to anyone. *Self-help for those who choose to go through their challenges alone.

In journals, we can be real and honest to ourselves without judgment. We can also write down our long and short-term goals, upcoming plans, etc. They’re great for expressing ourselves and venting when we need it the most. Journaling also helps us stay on track of things, tracking our progressions, and whatever else we want to record. Pick up a journal and start writing today!

pile of covered books

Read a Good Book

There’s nothing like reading a good book. I find self-help and awareness books to be informative, but if you aren’t willing to apply it to your lifestyle- why bother? Just like puzzles, books are offered with a variety of genres and choices. There is literally a wide selection of books for everyone. Literally. We have to make our availability more open for reading and improvement.

photo of assorted letter board quote hanged on wall

Create a Vision Board

Vision boards are rather cool to me. Although I’ve never made one, they seem to be a great motivational tool for those who need it as guidance. From what I can gather, they allow people to stay on track within their life purposes, objectives, and dreams. I’m sure creating them is amusing, but they just aren’t my “thing”, and I’m okay with that. I highly encourage anyone who creates a vision board to aim for their highest goal because I truly believe, we can do anything we put our minds to. With the consistency of course!

close up photo of monopoly board game

Host a Game Night

I have a friend who hosts a couple of game nights from time to time and I’m beyond grateful for her. I could be at my lowest and still attend game night to get a feel of relief and hope. The company of others being around somewhat ensures you are not alone. Yes, there are nights when I prefer to watch everyone play and watch from a distance- there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s literally the presence of others for me.

Get out of bed, clean up, and host a fun game night with your loved ones. If you prefer to get out of the house, go enjoy a game night elsewhere. Even if it’s at a local restaurant for Trivia night- go out and participate! Of course, I know it’s easier said than done, but it is still feasible. We all have to start somewhere!

black vinyl record on white table

Entertain Yourself

How do I entertain myself CC? Easy. Turn on one of your favorite upbeat and positive songs and dance or sing your heart out. It’s that simple! Sing to the top of your lungs and try to hit the notes you’d never try in public. Haha, I’m super guilty of this but fortunately, there’s no shame in my game. I can’t sing nor dance and I’m pleased with that so maybe that’s why I have no shame. Who knows? Music is a great outlet to relieve stress or our unwanted mental health symptoms. 

Entertainment could also mean playing one of your favorite video games, attending a concert (if you aren’t in a deep depression), visiting a carnival or festival, watching a movie or show, and much more. Let’s not forget about those many puzzles we can choose from as well! Find some entertainment and let’s get out of this funk.

car riding on highway through autumn forest

Take the Scenic Route

One of the most peaceful ways to cope is taking a well-needed drive. You don’t even need a destination! If you live in a large city, start driving along the country outskirts. Take the scenic route and your outlook of that entire town will change. You’ll be able to see so many things you never paid attention to before and it will fascinate you. If you’re anything like me (nobody can be me), you’ll enjoy the many photo-op opportunities to share or have for happiness visuals. 

Gas up and head out for a fun drive!

antique close up cord dial

Pick Up the Phone

A good phone chat has always felt refreshing. Especially one that made you feel better than when you initially made or received the call by the time it’s over. Phone calls give us the option to vent, express ourselves, obtain guidance or advice, reassurance, check on our loved ones, etc.

My favorite person to talk to when I’m down is my grandfather. For years I’ve reached out to him when I needed it the most. When we start our call I can either be crying or not in my usual bubbly spirits (typically when anyone knows when I’m down), and by the end of our conversation he will not hang up the phone until he hears me smiling or laughing. “Everything has a way of working itself out,” is what he usually quotes to me. Find someone that’s a call away to keep in your corner and uplift your spirits.

concentrated woman carrying stack of cardboard boxes for relocation

Clean and Reorganize

So there’s depression, and then there is cleanliness and filth associated with it. Deep depression causes some of us to completely forget about our everyday chores. Whether it’s hygiene, a junky bedroom, a sink filled with dishes, a messy bathroom, or whatever else- gather yourself and try to keep as clean as possible! A cleaner environment will for sure put us in a better mood when it comes to our mental health.

I must admit, keeping my car tidied during my mental periods is definitely a challenge. I’ll continue to work on that and you should as well! Good luck with your cleaning and organizing.

multiethnic women in sheet masks and towel with bathrobe

Self-Care

Self-care should be the best part of our mental health challenges, but unfortunately, we fall back due to our undesired challenges. Self-care can be as simple as showering or even taking a lovely bubble bath. Visit your local nail or beauty salon to get your hands, feet, or hair back together. If your finances are low or you prefer to stay in, go online to purchase the necessary instruments or visit one of your local dollar stores and pamper yourself.

Let’s not forget about facials- some of which can be achieved using regular natural household supplies. I’m thankful I was gifted with the talent to take care of all of my personal needs. Nothing like a good spa day. Always remember, when we look good, we feel good!

Of course, there are ample more ways to cope in optimistic manners. I detailed a few to give you all an idea of simple ways to cope. I can not guarantee either of these activities will help resolve your crises, but until then you should at least TRY, you’ll never know what may or may not work for you. Good luck with your positive coping skills!

Much Love Hooters,

-Cherry and the Hoot

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Let’s Talk About Depression

Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. The condition is more common than some may think. It is curable but not always something one can “get rid of” quickly. For some, it may last a few weeks to a couple of months, and others may last more than two years. There are also chronic depression disorders that may be brought upon by triggers. Yes, depression can surely be avoidable, but that isn’t always the case in other circumstances. 

As humans, we are all unique in a very particular way. We tend to have different ways of viewing life; appearances and fashion attire, religious preferences, interests in things, taste in foods and drinks, music, etc. Something we all hold as humans are feelings. No matter what anyone says, we all have feelings. Because we are so unique, those feelings cause us to react to situations based on our moods differently. For sure, we’d love for everyone to respond to negative happenings in a lively manner, but let’s be realistic- that’s impossible.

As humans, “staying positive” about everything is expected, but how can we? How can one stay optimistic after losing a baby during birth? What about someone who lost their job with a family to provide for and no money saved? How about the children at school bullied by their peers? The spouses unhappy in their marriages but stay for their children? The couple having complications with pregnancy? Losing one of your favorite persons? Or even the homeless man who once had everything going well for himself, but he lost it all? And let’s not forget the single parents who struggle to make ends meet with no help or anyone to call on. Some of these scenarios may not trouble every person that ever encountered, but these are challenging circumstances for others. Sure, we can bypass some situations, and other times, not so much. 

The causes and symptoms of depression vary within each person experiencing it. As I named a few possible hardships above that may produce the illness, I’ll now explain some of the symptoms. Some of the most significant symptoms include; anxiety, increased or lack of sleep, loss of interest, lack of motivation, lack of concentration, hopelessness, irregular appetite, restlessness, irritability, stress, suicidal thoughts, mood swings, etc. That’s to name a few- imagine having to experience those symptoms all day for days, weeks, months, or years at a time. It makes people go insane, and some don’t quite understand that! It is a constant battle, and that is what the world needs to comprehend.

Depression can be so severe it begins to affect your life in terrifying ways. People start to struggle with keeping their relationships with family, friends, and associates healthy. Those individuals are probably unaware of mental health disorders. Performance at work declines significantly, sometimes causing one to lose their position or receive a pay cut. Not only that, if you’re apart of the customer service industry, your symptoms could cause negative interactions with consumers. Bad for business, I reckon. Some can go days at a time without getting out of bed or showering. Slacking to keep up your hygiene can become shameful, but it happens. When that does happen, people begin to lose their self-esteem. There are also those individuals who turn to alcohol and drugs to have a sense of healing. They don’t want to think about their troubles, and the temporary feeling of numbness is satisfying. 

 Everyone’s experience with depression is not the same nor as severe as others. Being able to “manage” your mental health is a skill in my eyes. I am personally someone who’s able to function with my depression to an extent. Most of the time, I tend to hide my symptoms to avoid worrying my family and close friends. Hiding them causes bottling in all of my troubles until the top bursts off. That is not ideal, but I’m working on that. I do not recommend hiding your symptoms to the point where you want to give up. One should not hide their symptoms but seek the proper treatment. You may never know if something can help you until you try. 

The feeling of not wanting your family to worry is understandable. Being aware of specific situations can cause our family members to become very judgmental. Seriously, why would one want to hear sarcastic comments when already down? If one feels as though they cannot communicate with their close family or friends, professional help is always a more suitable option. A therapist would be beneficial for all of your venting and coping needs. They will be there to help you get to the bottom of things interrupting your life. They will also introduce you to various types of coping skills. My therapist helps by knowing all of my favorite hobbies and interests and then challenging me to perform them daily. Although I’m not always able to partake in these activities due to my “down” mood, they give me a sense of temporary happiness when I do so. 

While seeing a therapist, you’re more than likely to be referred to a psychiatrist (vice versa). A psychiatrist will be there to assist with additional therapy and medication needs if your depression permits. Medications can include anti-depressants, mood stabilizers, sleep aids, etc. Everyone is not fond of medicines because they prefer to “self- heal,” which isn’t always the answer. It is a form of denial to an extent and causes a delay within actual healing. Treatment to get yourself “back on track” is nothing to be ashamed of and should be taken seriously. You may even learn a few new things about yourself during the process. For sure, you’ll know more about mental health disorders and could likely help teach others.

My job is to continue spreading the seriousness of mental health disorders and how to manage them. What works for me may not work for all, but it will help someone else in need somewhere. I’m confident about that, and I appreciate all of the feedback I’ve received from family, friends, associates, and strangers worldwide. Knowing that I’m able to give someone hope makes my heart smile. I wish the best to anyone experiencing or know someone who is suffering from depression. You are not alone; you have a purpose; you will make it through to the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Much love and never forget to “Live a Little” even during your most challenging moments in life. 

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